Gone

Hope I left a footprint in here

Doubts, doubts, doubts

Lastly, I've been trying to find an answer to a lot of questions going through my mind, and the only certain thing I know is that the only way not to worry is to carry on, to keep going day after day, keeping yourself busy. But that's not what I want. I want to face this difficulties, and I probably won't be able to solve anything, but at least I'll know I tried. What if I don't think about it? Will the problem solve itself? Of course not, but I'm amazed by how little thought people put into some things. Some people are able to put some decision off until there's no time to think about it and you have to trust your guts. I can't, I really wish I could, but I'm just incapable of waiting.
I tend to think that by sitting and stare at the trees, someone will break from the skies and give me an answer, but what else is there to do? I mean, I really can't try harder, I've given my 100%. I guess I'll have to keep thinking about it, but either way, I'm going to make a mistake. The point is making the least painful mistake. What a shitty thing to do

Fearlessness

What is freedom? It means having no fear, right? 

Now, what does that mean? Are we ever going to be fearless, and therefore free? Is it going to be just for a moment, or will this freedom last for good? 

I cannot understand, but I do know no one will be able or willing to explain this to me. 

Will I have to make a decision eventually between me or the rest of people I care about in order to accomplish this freedom? I know the point of life finding an equilibrium, a balance between things, but it's such a hopeless feeling knowing that you'll never reach it.

Well, fuck all of that. I know I'll never be perfect, but if this song can make my switch in a second, I know it's all on me. So then, why give a shit about anything going on out there, when it's all within me? 

It sucks to end things. It really does. But think for a minute, what if we had the chance to not end stuff, what if we could live forever. Would that be great? Of course not, life would be a shitty place to be in.
So what's the point of life then? I really don't know, but what I do know is that eventually, it will be over, as anything else in life. Everything, absolutely everything we know will eventually come to an end, and we really can't appreciate things until they are over. There's a line between the first time you have something and the last one, and in between, there isn't a real appreciation of it, there's conformity, there's laziness, everything that keeps us from truly valuing what we have. Therefore it's in the end, that we get the most out of things. Coming back to my previous point, what would the world be like if there wasn't an end? I know something for sure, it would be a hopeless place that I really wouldn't like to live in. Is hope or faith possible in a world with no ambition, nor future or past? Hell no. Is there any appreciation in doing what you always do? Not until you lose it. Do we ever appreciate the blessing of walking, of being able to see, to hear, to be able to establish relationships with people, etc? No, no, no, we never do until we become handicapped, we lose someone or we ultimately vanish in an infinite spiral of hopelessness. Do we ever enjoy something if there isn't any risk in accomplishing it or getting it? I don't think so either.
Thus, what the hell is there out there when we no longer live? I'm as clueless as you are. No one knows, and those who know will never be able to tell us while we are here. Do I believe that we go somewhere depending on whether or not we were just, respectful or nice? No fucking way. I believe that everything needs an end to be valued, and that we have our own paradise on our world, we just don't know it. What would be the point of being on an eternal state of happiness? Would you appreciate happiness if there weren't any badness on the world? Would you value getting closer to a fire if there wasn't any cold weather? No yin without yang, my brother. I said that everything must come to an end, but maybe it was just rubbish, perhaps there's something that will stick with us for our whole journey. There are a few moments in our lives in which something truly valuable comes to an end, when you fit somewhere but your journey must finish, and those moments, those in which you know you belong somewhere, when you know you're a part of something are, my friend, my paradise.

The Beach

Last night I watched "The Beach", a movie that was very surprising to me, and I'm glad I spent almost three hours in watching it. It narrated the story of a tourist who decides to go to Thailand for a trip,  eager to get new experiences, and ends up meeting a creepy man on the hotel that will change his life.

That stranger, reveals his secret to the main character, and talks to him about a perfect island in the middle of nowhere, pretty much like paradise. The main character decides to start this adventure in look for heaven with some hotel friends and a map given by the stranger, and after going through a lot of difficulties, they finally arrive to the island.
The first months are amazing. The character starts a relationship with his friend, a very beautiful French woman, and he's acknowledged by the whole community living in the beach for his courage and skills. Everything seemed just perfect, but a few issues started wearing everyone off, and after some time, the beach no longer represented perfection, and the main character went insane trying to find that perfection again. It's not until they get kicked out of the beach by a drug cartel that he finally realizes that there's no paradise on earth, there's no such a thing as a place that can be sought, a moment you can prepare, but it's all in ourselves.
Paradise itself lays on those moments, very few in our lifetime, in which we actually belong somewhere, we're a part of something, and those moments will last forever on ourselves, but eventually, it will all come down to memories. This world we live in is imperfect, and so we can't expect to get something perfect out of it, it's not the nature of our world.

Heaven's Doors

Bob Dylan – Knockin' On Heaven's Door

"I still believe in paradise, but now at least I know it's not some place you can look for. Because it's not where you go, it's how you feel in a moment in your life when you are part of something. And if you find that moment, it lasts forever"

The "OK" Gatsby

I want to talk about this movie that's shaking the whole entertainment world, The Great Gatsby. I had the chance of reading the book earlier this year, and I thought it was a good book. Nothing more, nothing less. I thought it had a great symbolic meaning, and I loved it, but the thing I didn't like as much is the figure of Jay Gatsby. Why do we love this man? Just because he's dwelling on the past and expecting the world to be perfect we should look up to him? First of all, I don't think his thought process must be looked up to, he's just a nostalgic man who can't overcome his only love. He gave in to this love when he had the chance of backing out, and he's been trapped ever since. He shaped his life around someone else, he stopped being himself. From that moment on, everything he did was geared toward Daisy. Not only does he think of her as a perfect and flawless woman, but once he finally gets her, he only thinks of why their lives are not perfect, and since he's basing his whole life on her, she's bearing a too heavy burden over her shoulders. How would it feel to have another person depending on you? It would be terrifying to even think about. He can't ask Daisy to deny she ever loved Tom, he's no one to say that. Afterwards, he'll pay the consequences, but why don't we see Daisy's life after this incident? How is she going to carry on with her life after this? It would be an unbearable grief for her, she probably wouldn't be capable of standing it.
Don't get me wrong, I liked the book. I also liked the movie as well, even though I hated the soundtrack. Jay-Z and Beyonce were too forced into the movie, they didn't fit at all, and neither did any of the house/techno songs that were played on the parties. And the movie left no room for imagination, they showed how Nick was being treated by a psychotherapist, when this wasn't implied in the book.
Overall, and to conclude, good book, good movie, but I don't think it deserves all this fame.